Discipline Sans Cilice

A week or so ago, I had a conversation with a very good friend about what is lacking in his life (and mine), and what the missing pieces can be chalked up to. After being predictably self-pitying for a bit regarding our futures, our financial statuses, our social happiness, and our senses of fulfillment, we hung up.

The next time we spoke, we had both come to the same conclusion: the missing piece is self-discipline.

Self-discipline comes in many shapes and sizes; some people snap a rubber band to rid themselves of bad habits, while others wear cilices to purge their souls. I’m not a masochist-- at least, not a physical one (I think we all have inherently masochistic tendencies that make it common to flock toward drama despite disliking it, but I digress). My self discipline needs to come from routine.

Of late, I’ve been struggling several inconsistencies in my life borne of anxiety. My whole life is stretching in front of me, and I am inundated (and overwhelmed) by choices. What is my next step? Where should I go? I want as many options open to me as possible as I step forward into the world on my own. The clock is ticking, however, and I feel like Monk wringing his hands over a warehouse of misaligned and mixed-up day-of-the-week paraphernalia. There’s just too much to do, the task is intimidating, and I just don’t know where to begin (even though it’s bothering me to no end).

I lack discipline. I start projects and take far too long to finish them. For instance, my room has been emptied for a week because I’ve decided to attempt a sort of minimalist lifestyle, but I have yet to sort through things and keep, sell, donate, or trash all of them-- by the by, I will be selling some rather cool things (Katana sets, anyone? Mannequin? A dragon mirror?) very soon, if anyone is interested.

I lack discipline to throw myself into the projects that make me anxious-- rather than getting things done, I am Chili Pepper (el perro) chasing my tail. Take a look at Life Lesson #4, because I think this best summarizes it; being busy does not mean things are accomplished, and I wish to change that.

For a while now, I’ve started to experiment with structure and routine. I know I’m supposed to be youthfully spontaneous, and I am regarding things that don’t stress me. Stress management by being an old lady with a pocketbook schedule has become a priority, however, because I don’t want to worry where my life is going every step of the way. I want to see the road stretched in front of me rather than drive blindly off a cliff, à la Thelma and Louise (I’m feeling quite metaphorically inclined today).

Right now, I’m trying to regulate my sleep hygiene (little phrase I just learned today from my brilliant doc). [Note: Sleep hygiene is an interesting concept; you can find more information on it here.] Next, I’m going to focus on my environment and making it conducive to getting things accomplished (let’s say ‘git-’er done’ is today’s utterly random and completely off-topic colloquialism, simply because I like the sound of it) by decluttering and simplifying and maybe getting some sort of plant (I trust 'Nicholas Angel's' word that peace lily oxygenation is good for you; kudos to you for knowing the reference).

Hopefully, with enforced and conscious discipline in various aspects of my life, I’ll be able to achieve long-term goals and relax more. I’ll finish more because I’ll be less intimidated by the tasks at hand.

After setting up structure, I would ideally never procrastinate again. I think that’s the best way to make it into comic books or mythology, however, because I have never known a human to not procrastinate in some regard (sometimes, we need breaks!).

Now, everyone, raise your hand if you’re in the same boat as me (anxious, worried, stressed, and/or overwhelmed)… don’t deny it, I know you are… But don’t worry, you’re part of the club.